November 25th, 2007
as a single child in the family, loneliness is already a very close friend for me. everyday, eat , sleep, watch movie, go shopping, go cinema, study, play computer game, rest, exercise….. all is just alone. before my beloved dad passed away, i still can asked him to accompany me. but now, who will accompany me? i like exercise, but i only can choose swimming, jogging and those exercise that i can do it alone. even i play mahjong, i only can find computer to play with.
many friends said i’m very ‘fei’, means very lame and always talk nonsense thing. but did they know how scare am i when i cant hear and see any noise or anyone from surroundings? how scare am i when i want to find someone to speak with, but i cant find any of them to speak to? how scare am i when i think of one day, i might lost my mum suddenly, just like my dad? how scare am i when i’m very happy but i cant share my joy with anyone? how scare am i when i suddenly realise only mr. lonely beside me?
At one moment, when i pick up my phone to call someone, i cant find anyone to call!!! my phone list have 189 contact number, but, who should i call? call A? no, he has paper tomorrow. call B? she already back to malaysia, not in singapore. call C? no, he might accompanying with his girlfriend. call D? he dont know much about me, so cannot share alots of things with him. at that moment, i saw the picture that i took with mum and dad, and it was the only photo that i had with me in this lonely world……
suddenly, i realised that the surroundings is so quite, and the aircon is so cold. i wish the coldness can freeze mr. lonely and let him stay forever here and dont come and follow me….. i had enough to face u!!!
and suddenly, i realised why i’m so addicted to computer. she will always waiting for me to come and help me to get rid mr lonely.
now i think i should go back to study in the room that only me and my notes…….